Allah does NOT burden a person beyond his scope - لاَ يُكَلِّفُ اللّهُ نَفْساً إِلاَّ وُسْعَهَا

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I stared at my own reflection in the mirror. Dark circles under my eyes, bushy eyebrows waiting to be tamed, droopy eyelids. I look haggard. I could easily be an actor in one of them people in those ads for them energy drinks.

Ness now, haggard, Ness later pupils dilated like dinner plates.

Due to a recent incident, I am once again house-bound. or to be more specific, room-bound. I dare not venture beyond the borders of my room. So here I am, stuck within these four walls, in the midst of endless books and papers and clothing, I sat here quietly, alone with my thoughts on my praying mat, waiting and waiting…

for what?

For a miracle to happen, for someone to come and whisk me off in the middle of the night and take me far far away and re-write the history of these past few days.

or. For those whom I thought who held me dear to their hearts and claim me as part of their own to ask me, to text or call or email at least, “how are you, Ness?” “How you holding up?” “Do you need anything? Is there anything I can do for you?” “Would you like to talk?”

But all i hear are the thoughts balancing precariously towards the forbidden and the gentle humming coming from my air-cond and the clickety clackety sound of my keyboard.

I let out a heavy sigh and stared at the blinds hanging in front of me.

This was it. This was the test.

My mind took me back to Saturday night, whilst in the car with Cotton Candy, the pitter patter sound of rain falling on the roof above us, waiting for my brother and cousin to alight.

“You must do something to test them.” She said very determinely.

I wrinkled my forehead in the dark, test? I questioned myself. “Like how?”

“I don’t know, with anything, pretend to disagree or someting, but you must test them.”

Oh Lud, I cringed silently. But Im Ness, Im nice to everyone. everyone likes Ness, Ness does not test peoples loyalty and love, Ness takes everyone as they are. Innit, Ness?

But I knew Cotton Candy was right, something needs to be done. How do you know you’ve progressed until you’re tested, right?

It has been 3 days since I told of my situation. And during these days, only 3 people kept my sanity intact, Cotton Candy, Latengs, and my Fsils’ (future-sister-in-law).

Cotton Candy emailed me constantly to keep my spirits up, giving me words of encouragement, love and wisdom to hold on to my faith. Loving and uplifting texts, phonecalls to keep my brain from frizzling out. Hers texts are always the first and last for the day. Bless~

Latengs updated me with the ongoings of the Japanese sisters, and being the sweet girl she is, bought me credit for my phone cause she knew that I was unable to get hold of some. I feel guilty because we were suppose to take in-charge of the visiting sisters together, but due to recent events, she was left fending on her own. Sigh. I feel bad.

My fsils, ahh…they do not know what’s going on, but it has become our routine to keep in touch daily. They would tell me the ongoings of the household, who said what and who did what and that is enough to amuse me.

Honestly, to be in the current situation that I am in, terrified and traumatise to a point that I keep hearing echoes of last Monday incident in my head. Im jumpy most of the time and paranoid to no end. I keep hearing the banging and screaming.

Having no company to talk to me is slowly driving me insane. I have to ward of these thoughts from Shaitan on my own, i have no back up support most of the time except on alternate intervals when Cotton Candy, Latengs or Fsils text to remind me that they are people who still care.

I don’t know how to describe how dire my situation is at the moment, to be left alone fending these feelings and thoughts on my own. I could feel the iman slightly decreasing as the hours go by, my brain cells deflating as the minutes go by, my mind wandering back and forth from positivity to negativity. I kept checking my phone, no calls, no texts except from the three i’ve mentioned. I kept checking my email, no mails except from Cotton Candy.

I huffed in frustration, where are they??? Don’t they care at all??? I need more then just “its okie, be patient..remember these verses…” I need follow-ups! Haven’t we said follow ups is most important?

I stiffle my cries of desperation in between my pillows. Too busy for poor little me.

Today was the lowest I’ve ever felt these past few days. I woke up feeling like I’ve been beaten the whole night. So low and down and depressed.

i told myself, this cannot continue, distract yourself, do something to stimulate your mind. But books are not enough, mp3 lectures are not enough, singing to nasyids is not a conversation. I need interaction. I need people to care for me.

Where are they now? When I need the most? Where?

After noon prayers, I sat for a while on my mat and bask in the rays of sunlight seeping through my blinds. I close my eyes and ask from Allah , show me what have I done wrong that needs to be recified. Tell me so I can get over this period of depression and grief.

And then it came to me.

How I am being treated now, is how I treated one of my beloved sister who is alone working on the opposite side of the world. Until she told me her condition, I had no idea how lonely it must;ve been for her, how depressing it could be without having anyone around you to help you upkeep your iman.

It struck me there. Allah is giving me a taste of what she felt. I only had it for 3 days, she had it for months. Subhanallah.

And then I broke down and cry, tears of regret. How could I’ve done this to her? How could I let this happen without even realising what am I doing. We wouldnt be where we are today without her help. Why are we so selfish and mindless to not include her in our daily routine, in our weekly affairs? Why are we so arrogant to assume that she’s doing fine on her own.

because she didnt tell? No,

Because we didnt ask!!!

I told Cotton Candy on that night near kampong air, Im like a test pilot, a guinea pig. Allah usually let things happen to me first and then I would warn/share my experience with the rest. Tell them so that they wouldn’t make the same mistake as I did.

You’re right Cotton Candy, much work is needed to be done with this.

I can’t thank you enough for keeping me sane these past few days. Only those who’ve been through it would know what to do, yes? There was a reason you came and the timing couldn’t have been more perfect.

Mother said this to him, Ness has a big heart, always would go all out to help others, but she forgets to help herself and when she needs help, she won’t ask. She rather do it on her own. I pity her sometimes cause I can see her struggling, often i question, if they are truly her friends, why do they not see that she needs help?

You and me, mother.

You and me.

But I think its me too. I need to do something about me.I need to start telling that I need saving. Not the Supergirl I thought I was after all. 

Heh.

Im Supergirl and Im here to save the world, but I wanna know, who’s going to save me?

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Know that they are blessed, they have been saved by Allah from knowledge that does not benefit. They have use their time and energy wisely in educating themselves and others. And they do not withold that knowledge, they would freely distribute it as they wish, without worrying whether the next person they encounter will be better than them or without worrying their position of being a learned will diminish. No, they have the utmost humility at heart, knowing that all they have learned ultimately is not theirs to keep, but all of that belongs to Allah .

He has only given them a taste of some real knowledge and they know that at anytime He can take it away. So before He does that, they will fully utilize their time and energy in educating others with this gift from Allah that only a few are blessed with.

So when the time comes and they faced their Rabb, they can say “I have done as you commanded, I have spread the word of Islam and these are my witnesses…”

Macam, nda kamu jealous kah? When you surf blogs and websites,read articles written so articulative and they are like half your age? Or your age, but they know alot more than you do, quoting from great Islamic Scholars or from past Islamic heroes, or have Quranic verses at their finger tips.

I just went to one blog and masya-Allah , the ilmu there is like, *drop jaw* mcm, mang, can i like steal your brain for a while? 

But then, I wonder, if Allah were to give me that amount of knowledge, what would I do with it? Would I be humble and modest about the knowledge I possess? Or would I flaunt it and make everyone around me green with jealousy?

I figure that with great knowledge, comes greater trials especially from within. Its overcoming the nafs. That would be a great struggle on its own.

Allah gives knowledge only to those who could bear the side-effects of such gifts. Only to those He know who could overcome their arrogance and greed and lust for the world.

Oh Allah ,  I seek refuge from knowledge that does not benefit me…

From tafseer Ibnu Kathir on Surah Al-Alqa 1-5

Di antara tanda Allah memuliakan insan ialah dikurniakan ilmu kepada mereka dan ilmu itu telah meletakkan Nabi Adam di tahap lebih tinggi dari malaikat (2:30-33)

Translation:

Amongst the signs that Allah has risen the status of men is that He has blessed them with knowledge and that gift had risen the status of Prophet Adam to a much higher state than the Angels (2:30-33)

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But has anyone ever stop and asked? Why must we be well-behave only on this night and not on every other nights? Why forward these emails and text messages of reminding each other that they are Muslims, that tonight is a very important event in the Muslim calender, that Allah is giving them another chance to live another year, only on this particular event?

WHy don;t you remind each other on a daily basis? Why not forward texts to remind each other that Allah IS watching and IS mindful of what we’re doing on a daily basis?

Why this particular night that invoke your interest in claiming back that title ‘Muslim’ but not on every other night. When you sit in that restaurant booth canoodling with your boyfriends? When you go to cafes and hang out until the break of dawn watching sports on that big screen tv and go home only to miss your fajr prayers by half an hour because you’re just tired from the nights event?

Why? 

Something to read about Nisfu Sya’aban:

Sebenarnya hadis sahih mengenai kebaikan malam Nisfu Syaaban itu memang ada, tetapi amalan-amalan tertentu khas pada malam tersebut adalah palsu.

Hadis yang boleh dipegang dalam masalah Nisfu Syaaban ialah:

يَطَّلِعُ اللهُ إلَى خَلْقِهِ فِي لَيْلَةِ النِّصْفِ مِنْ شَعْبَانَ فَيَغْفِرُ لِجَمْيْعِ خَلْقِهِ إلاَّ لِمُشْرِكٍ أوْ مُشَاحِنٍ

“Allah melihat kepada hamba-hamba-Nya pada malam Nisfu Syaaban, maka Dia ampuni semua hamba-hambaNya kecuali musyrik (orang yang syirik) dan yang bermusuh (orang benci membenci) (Riwayat Ibn Hibban, al-Bazzar dan lain-lain).

Al-Albani mensahihkan hadis ini dalam Silsilah al-Ahadis al-Sahihah. (jilid 3, m.s. 135, cetakan: Maktabah al-Ma‘arf, Riyadh).

Hadis ini tidak mengajar kita apakah bentuk amalan malam berkenaan. Oleh itu, amalan-amalan khas tertentu pada malam tersebut bukan dari ajaran Nabi s.a.w.

Kata Dr. Yusuf al-Qaradawi dalam menjawab soalan berhubung dengan Nisfu Syaaban:

“Tidak pernah diriwayatkan daripada Nabi s.a.w. dan para sahabat bahawa mereka berhimpun di masjid untuk menghidupkan malam Nisfu Syaaban, membaca doa tertentu dan solat tertentu seperti yang kita lihat pada sebahagian negeri orang Islam.”

Bahkan di sebahagian negeri, orang ramai berhimpun pada malam tersebut selepas maghrib di masjid.

Mereka membaca surah Yasin dan solat dua rakaat dengan niat panjang umur, dua rakaat yang lain pula dengan niat tidak bergantung kepada manusia, kemudian mereka membaca doa yang tidak pernah dipetik dari golongan salaf (para sahabah, tabi‘in dan tabi’ tabi‘in). Ia satu doa yang panjang, yang menyanggahi nusus (al-Quran dan sunah) juga bercanggahan dan bertentang maknanya.

Perhimpunan (malam Nisfu Syaaban) seperti yang kita lihat dan dengar yang berlaku di sebahagian negeri orang Islam adalah bidaah dan diada-adakan. Sepatutnya kita melakukan ibadat sekadar yang dinyatakan dalam nas.

Segala kebaikan itu ialah mengikut salaf, segala keburukan itu ialah bidaah golongan selepas mereka, dan setiap yang diadakan-adakan itu bidaah, dan setiap yang bidaah itu sesat dan setiap yang sesat itu dalam neraka.

(Dr. Yusuf al-Qaradawi, fatawa Mu‘asarah jilid 1, m.s. 382-383, cetakan: Dar Uli al-Nuha, Beirut).

Inilah kenyataan Dr. Yusuf al-Qaradawi, seorang tokoh ulama umat yang sederhana dan dihormati.

Namun dalam masalah ini beliau agak tegas kerana ia bercanggah dengan apa yang dibawa oleh Rasulullah s.a.w.

=   =  =   =  =  =

It is narrated on the authority of the Mother of the Believers, Umm ‘Abdullah ‘Aishah, radiyallahu ‘anha, that the Messenger of Allah , sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam, said:

“Whosoever introduces into this affair of ours (i.e. into Islam) something that does not belong to it, it is to be rejected.”

[Al-Bukhari & Muslim]

According to the version in Muslim, (it reads): “Whosoever works a work which has for it no command of ours is to be rejected.”

Daripada Ummu al-Mukminin Ummu Abdullah ‘Aisyah r.a. رضي الله عنها beliau berkata: Rasulullah SAW telah bersabda:

Barangsiapa yang mengada-ada sesuatu perkara dalam urusan kita ini, yang bukan daripadanya, maka ia tertolak.

Hadis riwayat al-lmam al-Bukhari dan al-lmam Muslim. Dalam riwayat Muslim, ada hadis lain berbunyi: Barangsiapa yang mengerjakan suatu amalan yang tidak ada asal usul dengan agama kita, maka ia tertolak ( Al-Imam al-Bukhari dalam kitab ( آتاب الصلح ) bab ( باب إذا اصطلحوا على صلح جور ) nombor 2550. Al-Imam Muslim dalam kitab ( آتاب الأقضية ) bab ( باب نقض الأحكام الباطلة ورد محدثات الأمور ) nombor 1718).

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Jadi jika Allah menjadi kan semua ini untuk manusia, pernah Sarah terfikir, manusia di jadikan Allah untuk apa?”

……

<to be continued>

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Fitrah manusia, dilahirkan suci serta menginginkan kesucian, bersih serta menginginkan kebersihan, di lahirkan dalam keadaan patuh kepada perintah Allah . Seperti yang di sabda oleh Rasullullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wassalam

Diriwayatkan daripada Abu Hurairah r.a katanya: Rasulullah s.a.w bersabda: Setiap anak dilahirkan dalam keadaan fitrah iaitu suci bersih. Kedua orang tuanyalah yang membuatnya menjadi Yahudi, Nasrani atau Majusi.

Setiap anak yang dilahirkan berada di dalam Islam.

Apa erti Islam?

Di dalam buku Dr Abdul Karim Zaidan bertajuk Islam & Dakwah, Islam mempunyai 6 definasi:

1) Islam bermaksud : Rukun Islam yang lima (Hadith 2 dari 40 Hadith Imam Nawawi)

2) Islam bermaksud ketundukan, penyerahan diri dan kepatuhan kepada Allah . (2:131)

3) Islam bermaksud suatu system yang menyeluruh dan lengkap merangkumi semua aspek kehidupan manusia(way of life) (3:85)

4) Islam adalah sejumlah peraturan yang di turunkan oleh Allah ke atas Rasul Nya berkaitan aqidah, akhlaq, ibadah, dan sebagainya. (5:67)

5) Islam adalah jawapan yang btul lagi benar kepada 3 persoalan yang sentiasa bermain di fikiran manusia semenjak dahulu hingga sekarang.

6) Islam adalah ruh yang sebenar kepada manusia. (As-shura: 52-53)

Sungguh luasnya maksud Islam itu. Hanya lahir dari satu perkataan sahaja, iaitu Salaam, bermakna, peace, sejahtera. dan juga salah satu daripada nama-nama indah Allah , iaitu As-Salaam, Maha Sejahtera.

Subhanallah. Indahnya agama agung ini.

I think out of all of the 6 definition, number 5 strikes your curiosity the most, does it not?

Like, what are the 3 questions that is always in our mind?

For me its always, what the next step? How do I do that? And then what?

But that’s me, that’s because I’ve discovered the purpose of my life. Alhamdulilah :)

What do you think these three questions are? Or, what are YOUR three questions?

Lets see if they match. HIT ME!

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sweet!

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“BANAR MA AH???”

“Kalau lai…kalau…”

Huhuhuhu. Doakanlah rumah kami basar parliament house so boleh buat programs malam-malam.

Scene 2: In the car with little pau, waiting for mother.

A sharp abhorring stench reached my nostrils.

“Min! Did you fart??”

“Hmm….I don’t know, maybe…wait…yeah..eh..i don’t know..I didn’t feel it coming out.”

“WHAT?? How can you not know you farted or not??”

“Ka, these things happen naturally…how am I suppose to stop it? it just happened!”

*slaps forehead*

Scene 3: On deciding where to go for lunch

“Ma, where lunch?”

“I don’t know, you decide, mama manasaja ni.”

“Min, where lunch?”

“I’m still full ka..i had indomee tadi and I didn’t even finish it..kanyang masih.”

Geram. Thinking where to eat. Tick-tock.

Approaching Gadong area, I asked again.

“Bah, min, decide! where lunch? quick quick!”

“Kaaa…don’t force me, i said im full already..why you forcing me to decide? I cannot eat..banar. kanyang udah..bla bla bla”

I interupted him “Sushi?”

Split-second pause, “Yeah okie, maybe i am a bit hungry, i can eat. I can do sushi. Ma! Sushi ah?”

Mother at the backseat laughing her head off.

Aiiihhhh…!

Something interesting I came across last nite,

“Kalau me jadi bulan, you jadi apa?”

“Me jadi bintang..”

“Kalau me jadi..cactus, you jadi apa?”

“Me jadi bunga yang tumbuh atas cactus..”

“Kalau me jadi hujan..you jadi apa?”

“Me jadi baldi..”

“Ahh?? Baldi?? Nda romantic you ani eh..”

“Eh…ndaa…baldi untuk menyambut hujan…nda kan dibuang ujan atu…sayang jua me buang you…”

Addeeyyy~~~Sekalinyaaaa~ LOL.

Something light-hearted ;)

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